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hornygirl89's Blog


Lost, Overwhelmed, Lonely, & Fed Up

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Fed UP

I'm tired of those around me abusing my family/friend loyalty, not noticing when I'm in crisis, not giving a shit that I am in pain, WTF WTF WTF!!!!   Damn if its not my money they want it's free advice or babysitting services....I'm supposed to keep my opinions to myself and hold my tongue when they are being stupid but they feel they can degrade and point out every flaw and issue I have.  I'm tired of being the middle person because siblings can't deal with each other though we all live together.  I'm tired of hearing what this one or that one doesn't do from the other one that doesn't do a damn thing either.  I'm tired of no respect, hell 90% of the time you they don't even acknowledge I've spoken or swear I didn't say a damn thing.  I'm tired of the kids seeing how the adults act and so I'm catching disrespect and attitude from children under 5, which is complete BS.  It truly sickens me inside how much they don't know me or even a sm part of me.  They see this mask that I have put on for the outside world--the one that they should be able to see through--and that's as deep as they go.  why am I such a damn sucker and so damn loyal to ppl that have never had my back just because we're blood?!?!  Maybe it's myself I hate rather than everyone else.  How can I show my son how to be a good man without being a doormat??? 

just don't understand ppl

how can ppl be so damn self-absorbed and stupid.  how a person seems to think its ok to run the streets all hrs of the night, sleep all day, wake up to scream at her kids or even get a few laughs and smiles before leaving them in tears cuz its time for work and then doesn't seem to think she needs to be at home where she has two sick kids cuz well they aren't bad enough to be in the hospital.  has no qualms about leaving ppl at Wal-mart for hrs while she "just runs to say hi to her bf" knowing they are stuck there.  is so consumed in her lies she can't keep them straight and instead just shuts down or gets hostile if you call her on her bs....can sleep through her kids screaming and crying in her face and ears but thinks moving out on her own would be a wonderful idea....making good money but hasn't bought the pull ups, wipes, or any household essentials in over 2 months....honestly believes that she doesn't get to do anything and everyone is just trying to make her feel like a bad person and mom...NO DAMN IT YOU ARE A FUCKING NEGLECTFUL AND SUCKY ASS MOM SISTER AND DAUGHTER!!  DAMN IT I HAD ONE CHILD NOT THREE AND IT'S NOT FAIR TO ME OR YOUR KIDS FOR THEM TO BE CALLING THEIR AUNT THEIR MOM CUZ YOU ARE NEVER FUCKING HER AND THEIR DEADBEAT FATHER IS LOCKED THE FUCK UP!!  I just want to be the aunt that spoils them and a mother to my son that I already feel I'm fucking up cuz of all my issues and now I've got two more that are looking at me and treating me more like their mom and i'm correcting constantly that i'm aunt b not mommy!  what do you say to a crying half-hysterical 17 month old or 3.5 yr old when they wake up looking for mommy and she's nowhere to be found and doesn't answer her damn phone....or how disheartening it is that a 3.5 yr old wakes up at 3 am and says to her Nana "oh so mommy's will her bf? "yeah sweetie she'll be back later" "oh ok" and just sadly curls into herself and goes back to sleep.  how do you spend tons of money on your own clothes and personal tolietries but don't notice that your daughters underwear are too small and your son has outgrown his clothes and is out of pull ups.
I'm coming to hate my siblings becuz of how self-absorbed, disrespectful, and hyprocrits I've ever met....how can two ppl let the world see a side of them that they will give a stranger off the street their shirt off their back and last dollar but for the family that has always had their backs and never judged them no matter how wrong they were they won't help unless they are paid or it'll make them look bad to those they consider important and even then the family never hears the end of it.  I must have really fucked up in help raise these two cuz they have become the epitamy of almost everything I raised them not to be.

life

have you ever felt like you have no purpose in this world except to be walked on and disrespected by others?  how am I getting snapped at and dismissed by a girl that has 2 kids but can sleep through them screaming and crying at her and to the point where her 3 yr old puts on a diaper rather than go to the potty because her little brother cries every time she leaves his side, a girl that supposedly makes all this money but never has anything paid that she says she will and acts surprised when the bill collectors start banging on the door and blowing up everyone's phones, who is there for and would give her friends and strangers the shirt off her back her time or her last dollar but when her mother and sister are both extremely ill as well as her kids and her nephew yeah she takes off work to go spend time with her bf instead at home helping.  or getting snapped on by a boy that doesn't contribute to the household a damn bit unless he thinks it will benefit him or he'll call it a loan, smokes $6/pk cigarettes and goes through 2-3 pks a day and takes off whenever he wants burnin gas like there's no tomorrow but he never has any money, can't even help by taking out the trash or fixing the shit that's broke around the house.  so they walk on me, confirm in my mind that they'd never truly have my back, and i just let them cuz i can't afford to move my son and myself out of the situation (not that it would matter because they'd just do it to me at my own place).  i'm tired of always being broke i'm tired of worrying about school when i'm home and home when i'm at school. fml

1-3 of 3 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Lost, Overwhelmed, Lonely, & Fed Up, posted August 20th, 2013
Fed UP, posted July 30th, 2013
just don't understand ppl, posted February 19th, 2013
life, posted February 4th, 2013

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